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Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson has been known to say some pretty wild things during his career. These are easily the best of his quotes.

Jeremy Clarkson doubles as a hothead and a petrolhead but he also triples as “The Man With The Golden Tongue.” He’s driven all the cars in this world, he’s punched Piers Morgan, he’s punched a producer and he also churns out witty sentences at the same rate as bullets out of a Kalashnikov rifle.

Clarkson was the host of BBC car show Top Gear for a whopping 22 seasons (2002 to 2015). Together with his co-hosts James May and Richard Hammond, the trio created plenty of memorable (and sometimes offensive) moments. Currently, they host a similar show called The Grand Tour on Amazon.

Here are Clarkson’s best quotes from his Top Gear days.

‘Telling People You Drive A Nissan Almera Is Like Telling Them You’ve Got The Ebola Virus And You’re About To Sneeze.”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

Plenty of car manufacturers must hate Jeremy Clarkson’s guts. In one episode, he was engaging in swift banter with James May and Richard Hammond when he decided to make fun of the Nissan Almera. He suggested that people would panic if you ever told them that you owned one.

The Almera is an affordable car that has been manufactured by the Japanese automobile maker since 1995. There have been several versions of it but Clarkson made it clear that none of them looks good. Comparing the vehicle to Ebola? It’s Clarkson after all.

“We Get Quite A Lot Of Complaints That We Don’t Feature Enough Affordable Cars On The Show… So We’ll Kick Off Tonight With The Cheapest Ferrari Of Them All!”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

“We Get Quite A Lot Of Complaints That We Don’t Feature Enough Affordable Cars On The Show… So We’ll Kick Off Tonight With The Cheapest Ferrari Of Them All!”Jeremy and his two buddies enjoyed analyzing plenty of supercars that only the 1% could afford, so at some point, views started sending complaints via mail. The hosts of any other TV show would have corrected this issue without necessarily talking about it on air. But what did Jeremy do? He made fun of it.

Instead of bringing a common man’s car, he brought a cheaper version of a Ferrari. And a cheaper version of a Ferrari is still more costly than many normal cars. Well, at least it’s close to affordable. All we need is to save for it for about five years.

“Some Say He Lives In A Tree, And That His Sweat Can Be Used To Clean Precious Metals. All We Know Is… He’s Called The Stig”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

One of the things most people would look forward to when he hosted Top Gear was how he’d introduce the mysterious in-house racing driver known as The Stig. This would happen just before The Stig was about to test the speed of a new car that the trio was reviewing.

The fact that Stig never showed his face made Clarkson introduce him using the weirdest of descriptions, much to the amusement of the crowd. He once said that The Stig has 50,000 photographs of his own camera among other things. This time he talked about his habitat and the amazing powers of his sweat.

“Whenever I’m Suffering From Insomnia, I Just Look At A Picture Of A Toyota Camry And I’m Straight Off.”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

Clarkson never liked the Toyota Camry. He went as far as to suggest that it helps him deal with insomnia. Perhaps its time the FDA approved Dr. Clarkson’s genius method of curing insomnia. It’s never fun to just stare at the ceiling at night.

Toyota executives back in Japan must have been fuming at this statement. The Camry is one of the oldest cars that the company has produced. It has been in existence since 1982. Older models might not have been pretty but new ones are unlikely to put Clarkson to sleep.

“Hold On, That’s The Sound Of A Turbo Charged Flat Four Engine… A Sound Which All Over The World Heralds The Arrival Of A Moron”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

Subaru lovers were on Clarkson’s receiving end this time. During a Top Gear special filmed in the East African nation of Uganda, the three amigos were told to each get a car of their choice that they’d trust to take them through the country roads.

Richard Hammond arrived in a Subaru WRX and Clarkson was quick to make fun of him when he noticed the vehicle. Interestingly, the WRX came to his rescue by pulling him out of the mud when he was stuck. But Clarkson would rather roll on the mud than admit he was wrong.

“And If You Are Clinically Insane, By Which I Mean You Wake Up In The Morning And Think You Are An Onion, Here’s Your Car.”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All TimeTop Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

Oh, dear! This time, Clarkson showed no mercy to the BMW Z3 convertible. Funny enough is that his colleagues were praising it. But trust Clarkson to not like whatever his colleagues like. If they enjoy something, there must be something wrong with it.

But if you do think you are on onion, you’d prefer to be in the kitchen rather than drive a BMW Z3, right? BMW stopped making the Z3 back in 2002. There was even a James Bond edition of the car that had a market price of $35000.

“Koenigsegg Are Saying That The CCX Is More Comfortable. More Comfortable Than What… Being Stabbed?”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

The Koenigsegg has proven to be a car that isn’t that reliable in movies. It turns out it isn’t reliable in real-life too. After a previous model was deemed uncomfortable for drivers, Clarkson decided to test the newer Koenigsegg CCX. He wasn’t impressed.

He went on to imply that being in it was just slightly less painful than being stabbed. Well, harsh is what Clarkson is all about. For environmentalists though, the car is very good. Swedish manufacturer Koenigsegg Automotive AB makes sure all its models are as environmentally friendly as possible.

“That’s Not Really A Racing Car, That’s Just Pornography.”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

This was Clarkson’s way of saying that the Aston Martin DB9 was so good-looking that it could arouse someone. He was just about to call it the Aston Martin XXX. It’s a wonder how the BBC never labeled Top Gear an R-rated series. Former UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown once admitted that he watches it with his son.

This was one of the rare occasions when Clarkson really praised a car. The Top Gear presenters normally had a “Cool Wall” for good cars but they ended up giving the DB9 its own special cool wall.

“The Only Person To Ever Look Good In The Back Of A 4-Seater Convertible Was Adolf Hitler.”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

“The Only Person To Ever Look Good In The Back Of A 4-Seater Convertible Was Adolf Hitler.”

Clarkson ought to be careful about comments like this otherwise an imaginary version of Hitler might start tormenting him like he’s Jojo in Jojo Rabbit. Be careful Jeremy. Adolf doesn’t like being made fun of.

“Top Gear Is Watched By 8 Million People In Britain Every Week. The Others Find Something Better To Do Like Staring Out Of The Window Or Having A Stroke. These Are Peugeot’s Customers.”

Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time
Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

And lastly, he couldn’t help but mock the people who didn’t watch Top Gear like everyone else. He even linked them to Peugeot because he had lambasted the brand so much on the show. And right after that, he went on to say that James May’s hair looked like a mop.

It’s a shame that the presenters who have come after Clarkson have all failed to fill his boots. It’s also a shame that Clarkson’s current show The Grand Tour ditched studio sessions. Maybe Clarkson and company have become tired. We might be looking at the end of an era. But all good things do come to an end.

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